Saturday, August 22, 2009

Blurry

Having a newborn is a lot of peaches and creamy sweetness. The soft skin, the gentle breathing, those itty bitty socks! I love holding a little two-month version of my husband and me (mostly him).

But I'll admit that being a newborn mommy, my world is a little, well, blurry. Sleep is so erratic right now! Millie still isn't on a schedule, and doesn't do well in her crib. Ugh, she wakes up every ten minutes (is she hungry? is she wet? is she hurt? do I need to ignore her so she learns to put herself back to sleep? should I swaddle and risk stunted development or let her punch herself in the face?)! Right now, I'm gearing up for another night, broken into multiple intervals, on the couch downstairs beside the baby swing. I know they say "sleep when your baby sleeps," but that is pretty unrealistic. Especially with a three year old sidekick, I never get a nap. And I certainly don't make it through my latest Sunset magazine without seventeen bouts of crying between the two little girls... and me.

On the one hand, as a new mom I feel all motivated and renewed. I want to write a book, take the Marie Ricks workshop, re-tackle that television program I developed a couple years ago. And actually I have read my scriptures six whopping days in a row, so that's something at least. I'm ready to be the most amazing homemaker, making healthy dinners by 6 and having my daughter bathed with tomorrow's clothes laid out by 8. Then again, pleeeeease don't make me move my bum off this couch.

I know we'll turn a corner in just a few months, but it feels like forever away. I'm a zombie. A grumpy one. Just a few minutes ago, I found a tortilla chip crumb on the (fairly clean) floor but was too lazy to get up and throw it in the trash so I just ate it. That is desperate, folks.

Luckily, there's the 8 week paycheck. I think God knows you're at the end of your rope around this time, so he teaches your baby to smile and laugh.

4 comments:

JenSwen said...

Your admission about eating the crumb is hilarious! I have actually done that.

I hope she starts sleeping better for you soon. Cute smile pic!

Marianne & Clayton said...

The crumb thing is the best thing I've heard all week. And Millie is starting to look like Sophie's baby twin. How fun! Hang in there!

dana said...

oh man. I truly hate those first few months. No matter how much we friends can say, "keep it up! You'll make it!"...it doesn't mean much when you're in the middle of it (and a week feels like eternity). So...I'm glad chips on the floor are keeping you going! And yes, that smile really does make it all worth it. She's a cutie!

Katie said...

I loved this post so much when I first read it but forgot to comment. Maybe I am blurry too. You just so PERFECTLY described the early baby days.

8 week paycheck - So true!