Saturday, April 18, 2009

The Coming Out of Al's Belly Button and The Fruity Baby

OK, my stomach is huge. Like freakishly huge. I am seriously bigger now, with two months left in my pregnancy, than I was when I delivered my last child. This week, my belly button popped out, a phenomenon I did not experience before. I'm also getting stretch marks (despite lathering this waxy Belly Butter my sweet in-laws gifted me), another new treat.

When I was in Vegas last week, I was like a celebrity everywhere I went. People stared at me and whispered. Some came right up to me and asked me funny questions about my body. It was so odd. Once, this guy invited my niece and I to a nightclub, then stopped mid-sentence when he saw my extra baggage. I guess when you're in Las Vegas, stuff like handout cards with naked ladies isn't that thrilling but an obviously expectant mother is a show-stopper.

The nice thing is, however, that the huge-ness is primarily centered on my, well, center. My appendages are only slightly swollen, but my tummy pretty much stretches straight out. I'm beginning to think I just plain can't stretch much further.

I can't squeeze into small places, or even medium places. I've honestly hit people with my stomach. Once, I knocked Sophie over when I turned too quickly and bumped her in the head. I was warned this would happen, that my second pregnancy would be bigger than the last. But, wow.

Now, to Baby Numero Dos: Sweetie, it isn't you; it is me. I do not suppose to think this will in any way mean that you are a large baby or will become a large person. I'm sure you'll be fabulously, perfectly beautiful and normal.

Except that Baby Center thinks you are produce. Has any other prospective mom noticed this? When I go to the Baby Center website occasionally to check on the weekly development of my unborn child, they always use fruits and vegetables in reference to the baby's approximate size. It is hilarious!

Here are some examples... At week 12, baby is about the size of a lime. Congratulations, at week 18, little one has graduated to about the length of a bell pepper! And by week 25, imagine a rutabaga. Don't get too comfy; the next week, you'll be carrying an English hothouse cucumber, I'm not kidding. There are weeks for cauliflower and Chinese cabbage and a stalk of Swiss chard. So this week, I expected to see "Your baby is now the size of a county-fair-prize-winning watermelon!" but instead, I've been encouraged to pick up a large jicama. I suppose it is better to use fresh produce instead of, say, Taco Bell Super Nachos or a bucket of KFC Original Recipe Wings.

2 comments:

Alicia said...

You are hilrious. Blaine and I also noticed that the "books" all compare baby to fresh food. I guess it's a subtle reminder to eat healthy and stay away from the deep fried cuisine. Oops. Too late.

Alicia said...

Hilarious. Not hilrious. :)